No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
