What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
