There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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