I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Randomize
