just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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