Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Found the puke drawer
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
