I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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