At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm just crazy horny about you
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
