I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
We had to coat check the pizza.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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