since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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