I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
