I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
