Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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