just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
