so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
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