before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
It's just like the Real World with babies
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
