I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
