Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
where are you?
Hypothermia
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
