im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
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