I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
