I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
