like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Randomize
