If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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