she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
