Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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