in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
