all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
