I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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