We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
