I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
