WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
