No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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