I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
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