do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Randomize
