You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
