She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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