the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
