i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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