At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
