oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
