we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
There was a lot of him and a little penis
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Randomize
