The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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