plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
We need to get me chipped asap
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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