I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
