Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
