Heybabeimwearingurpanties
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize