thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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