Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
