Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize