It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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