You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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