brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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