Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize