i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
