90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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