You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
