why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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