he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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