I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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