Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Randomize
