eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
farters have to be the big spoon...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
