Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Randomize
