I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
