It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Even my vagina gasped.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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