She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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