Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
