He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
In America we eat man semen.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
