We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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