he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i think i have herpe
just one?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize